Often when doing couple’s work I encounter people, most often but not exclusively males, who believe their partner wants them to solve every difficulty they tell them about. A story about a rough day at work is met with a litany of well intended but misguided proposed solutions, when all their partner wants is to be heard with compassion. When their solutions elicit frustration, the problem solvers become confused because they don’t believe listening changes anything, when in truth it changes everything.