At the holidays it is especially important to remember that the past is gone and we can’t change it. We can, however, change how we understand the past. Imagine if we could come to see that all of those disastrous holiday experiences from our past came about not because of someone’s ill intent but rather because they were doing the best they could to cope with their own holidays passed. What if we came to understand that they were doing the best they could in light of their own experience and that, even if they did some fairly unskillful things, their intent was not to hurt us but rather to relieve their own pain? That would be a very important step in letting go of our own pain.