It has occurred to me that the social formation of twenty something and thirty something urban males is a bit lacking in many cases. As the father of a twenty something female who lives in the home my wife and I share, along with her two children, I have regular opportunity to assess said social formation. As a public service, I thought I might offer some tips to help you stupid idiots keep your head attached to your shoulders. Admittedly, many of you could live a perfectly normal life even with your brains blown out, but I remain interested in bettering society through non-violent means, so here we go.
1. I am a grown man. Presumably, so are you. When one grown man enters the home of another grown man he has not met, he introduces himself, makes eye contact, SHAKES THE OTHER MAN’S HAND, and makes small talk for a few minutes. This is so the grown man living in the home doesn’t mistake him for an intruder and shoot his sorry ass under the protection of Wisconsin’s Castle Law.
2. I am a grown man. Presumably, so are you. When one grown man enters the home of another grown man he has already met, he takes a moment to greet the other man, make eye contact, SHAKE THE OTHER MAN’S HAND, and make small talk for a few minutes. This is called, “social courtesy,” and is highly valued. It also ensures that you won’t be mistaken for an intruder and shot under the protection of Wisconsin’s Castle Law.
3. My wife and I have things in our home. They belong to us. I confess I have reached the age where I like to nurture myself a bit. If you feel the need to wash your hands after having sex with my adult daughter and can’t find soap, I would greatly appreciate it if you would resist your rather ignorant temptation to remove my bar of soap from my covered soap dish in the shower, wash your stank covered hands in it, and then – to add insult to injury – not even put it back where it belongs, you ignorant prick. You might ask my daughter where you might find some soap to wash your hands. This helps ensure that I won’t be forced to shoot your ass under the Castle Law just to improve the quality of the gene pool.
I am sure there’s more, but this is all I have at the moment because I have little desire to have a stroke caused by continuing to think about this crap.