Ernie and Bert are NOT Gay!

I just can’t keep my mouth shut any longer.  Certain gay advocacy groups are pressuring Sesame Street to have Ernie and Bert get married now that same gender loving people can get married in New York State.  Gay advocacy groups have long maintained that Ernie and Bert are gay, and that they should come out of the closet. As a heterosexual ally of the LGBT community I have something to say.

Ernie and Bert are f*cking puppets, for God’s sake!  PUPPETS!  They are not people. They do not have spines, they do not have genitals, they do not have central nervous systems, they do not have a sexual orientation, they were not conceived of human parents – they were conceived at JoAnn Fabrics, for God’s sake!  Their “hands” don’t move unless someone moves the stick that is attached to their “arms,” and the only reason they sit up and talk is because somebody puts their hand up their a$$ to make their mouths move!

Can we just get a huge dose of perspective, here?  Ernie, Bert, and every one of the Muppets are genderless, orientationless, FICTIONAL characters!

What’s more, they are fictional characters on a children’s educational television show.  More precisely, they are fictional characters on a pre-pubescent children’s educational television show.  Children of Sesame Street age just don’t care about sexual orientation because they are not yet aware of sexual orientation – yet even most children realize that Ernie and Bert are Muppets, which is more than we can seem to say about those urging Ernie and Bert to marry.

Finally, to those of you who think marrying off Ernie and Bert is still a good idea, I have a question: Do you realize you are getting all worked up over a program for three to five year olds?  What does that say about your maturity level?  Wouldn’t your time be much better spent addressing real (as opposed to fictional) issues confronting the LGBT community?  Maybe the truth is that confronting real issues is frightening at times, and some people who don’t have the courage to confront real issues would much rather confront fictional ones like Ernie and Bert.

Get some therapy!

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