Would you like a book about the Lord Jesus?

That’s what the guy at the airport last night was asking everybody who passed him. In the interest of truth in advertising, it wasn’t a book. It was a lot more like a pamphlet. It doesn’t really matter, though, because I don’t want your book or your pamphlet or your Bible tract or any other propaganda you might feel inclined to be passing out at the airport or anywhere else, you freaking moonie – and I wish you would stop doing stupid crap like this that leads people to believe that all Christians are like you – just as much the boor as the average Jehovah’s Witness. Mormon, or Southern Baptist who comes knocking on my door and doesn’t understand the meaning of, “No, thank you.”

What’s more, these techniques are just about as effective (and almost as painful) as using a hobby soldering guy to shrink your own hemorrhoids. Both procedures require your head to be almost completely up your ass to see what you are doing.

You can’t argue people into belief, you can’t reason people into belief, you can’t scare people into belief, you can’t debate people into belief, and you can’t obnoxious them into belief. The best you can hope for using these techniques is compliance – and compliance is a very different thing from belief.

If you doubt that, just think about the people you have met who have announced to you that they have found the Lord Jesus, or found God. Frankly, I never realized either of them was missing, but I may not have been paying attention. Usually these people have had the misfortune of running across one of the chromosomally impaired propaganda distributors in the midst of some life crisis. They receive a pamphlet or some similar nonsense from a lobotomized street corner evangelist and actually believe that saying a simple prayer will actually remove them from the problems of daily life and deposit them in the same haldol induced haze that the tract bearer inhabits. Once they find out that faith isn’t like waving a magic wand, the Lord gets lost just as quickly has he was found – returning to that glorious hiding place called reality.

Funny thing is, I just can’t find the Bible verse that says “Go and be obnoxious in all nations…”

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