I was at Ulta over the weekend. Yes, that’s right, Ulta. I really don’t mind going for three reasons. The first is that my wife likes it when I go, and it really isn’t that big a deal. The second is that I am often provided with insights into our culture that I would otherwise be completely unaware of. The third is that I am reminded that for some of you, no matter how hard you try or how much money you spend, you aren’t going to be cute. Save the cash!

Anyway, last weekend’s trip was especially informative in that I came across something I never knew existed. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as an electric, flashlight equipped, nose and ear hair trimmer with a vacuum to “collect” your freshly trimmed nose and ear hair AND it is completely rinseable! Waste no time, men! Women don’t fail to act on behalf of the men in your lives! Christmas is around the corner! Rush out to Ulta and begin your nose and ear hair collection now for the very affordable price of $14.99!

Is this really what it has come to? Have we become so hopelessly materialistic that we can’t simply trim our nose and ear hair and let it fall where it will? Are we such control freaks that we need to collect that hair with a vacuum, for God’s sake, into a little receptacle that we can later empty and then rinse the whole thing clean? Why in the world do we need the flashlight? Just how far into our ears or up our noses do we need to go that we might need a flashlight?

Most important of all, couldn’t we do something for the betterment of our world with the $14.99?